I'm sitting and staring at the blank Facebook status box. "What's on your mind, Tiffany?" What's not on my mind would be a better question, but there are so many thoughts at the same time that they all drown each other out so there isn't actually something specific that I want to say. So I'm silently staring into space... again.
I have so many things that I need to be doing. Laundry is piled up, like it always is when you have kids. I just did all the dishes but there are somehow dishes still. The clothes that are clean need to be put away. The living room is a mess between the 4 people that live in it. Toys everywhere like they are in every house with 2 kids under 5. So I'm silently staring into space... still.
My personal life is sideways. My weight is fluctuating again. I'm in pain because I never did get that new pillow and because I'm over 30 that can literally borderline cripple me. I didn't remember to pick up my anxiety medicine, again. I am not out yet, but the pharmacy has been calling to remind me everyday for the last week. I never sleep anymore. So I'm silently staring into space... still.
I need to eat better. Media tells us that chunky women are beautiful the way they are now, but deep down we know that people still prefer thin curvy girls with synthetically enhanced everything. I might not be working out hard enough or often enough. If I meal prep, I won't have to think about food but I'll burn out on that food and I'm already so picky as it is. I should make a few different meals. So I'm silently staring into space.
I've lost some of my identity in marriage and motherhood. I never liked baseball really and now I criticize someone for not knowing a pitcher retired. I've seen Ratatouille so many times that I could act it out and baby shark motions happen involuntarily. I love my family though so I feel bad for admitting that I need a break and help. So I'm silently staring into space.
No one notices. No one ever really notices anything I do. So it doesn't matter that I'm silently staring into space.