All summer my son has been talking about how he wants to go to school. Because of his age and covid and other circumstances, he didn't go to preschool. So this is the first experience that he has had with being away from me. I didn't think that it was going to go off without a hitch by any stretch of the imagination, but it's been a little crazy.
Day 1:
Everything was going awesome. He was so excited to be going to school. We go to drop him off in the carline and that's when it really went sideways.
First, we had him on the wrong side of the car, so we had to park. My husband goes to walk him in and I stay in the car with our daughter. He goes to leave him with all the other kids and he starts screaming and crying. This is not something that they've never seen before, obviously; so they tell my husband that he is allowed to take him to the classroom. He goes to leave and our son runs down the hall way and tries to leave. My husband has ADD and has some issues with being over stimulated quickly and one particular trigger is our kids freaking out. So I was tagged in and he went out to be with our daughter.
I met some very sweet people that were trained to help with the separation anxiety transition. I stayed with him for about an hour and got to a point where he had calmed down enough for me to feel comfortable leaving him because I knew that he was in good hands. I heard him crying and I held it together until I got outside and I started crying. As a parent, it's so hard to see your child struggle.
I ended up getting a phone call from the counselor not long after I left saying that he only cried for about 5 minutes after I left and that he was doing great. She did however let me know later that she wasn't able to leave him in the classroom without her until it was almost time to go home, but that is what she was there for and that it was perfectly fine and we came up with a strategy for the weeks to come.
Later on when I picked him up, he was so excited and said that he had so much fun!
Day 2:
This is what I like to refer to as false hope day. After the long weekend, ((over the weekend he had said on several occasions unprompted that he didn't want want to go to school)) I went to drop him off to his counselor and he walked us down the hallway to his class and I left. No tears. No nothing. I got a call as soon as I walked through the door that she was able to leave him right away and there was nothing to report at all!
When I picked him up later, he said he has so much fun, made friends and played with play doh!
Day 3:
He woke up in tears and said that he didn't want to go to school, but I obviously brought him in and we meet up with his counselor. We decided that I was going to drop him off at her office this time and to see if he will walk the hall with her alone. He was crying and didn't want me to leave. I stayed for about 5 minutes and reassured him that everything was going to be ok and that if any thing was absolutely truly wrong that his counselor would call me and that I would be there for him. As I was down the hall, I heard him start to cry.
I never got a call.
He had music and recess and had so much fun and told us all about it. His music teacher sent me an email and she said that he had such an awesome time and that he danced and sang and she was excited to have him in her class.
Day 4:
Aside from the first day, this day has been the hardest. He cried that he didn't want to go to school the second that I woke up ((he usually wakes up a few minutes before me )). He cried the whole time. I basically had to drag him to the car. Almost the whole time in the car he said that he didn't want to go. When I parked to bring him in, I again almost had to drag him in. We sat in the chairs outside the office and waited for his counselor. He was crying and saying he wanted to go home. Up until today, I was able to leave him before he got to a crying phase. I hated leaving.
No phone call yet.
I never got a phone call and when I picked him up he said that he had so much fun, just like he always does.
While he was at school, I made him a calendar and marked on it the days that he doesn't have to go to school. When he got home, I had him cross off today on the calendar.
Day 5:
He woke up again saying that he wanted to stay home. He brought me over to the calendar and pointed to a "No School" day and said that he didn't have to go to school. HAHA! I informed him that today was a day that he had school. I reiterated that the days that didn't have anything written on them were days that he had to go to school. He tried to mark off today. He's so cute! I said, when you get home today we will mark it off the calendar and then you have 2 no school days in a row.
I got him dressed and he still kinda insisted that today was a no school day, but he said "Im not crying anymore". I said, that's good! We don't need to cry. You're going to have fun, play outside and then when you come home we'll mark today off the calendar.
He got into the car without a fuss. Walked into school fine. His counselor met us in the hallway and I gave him a kiss goodbye, you could tell that he was kinda getting anxious, but I actually turned back to look at him today and he was just walking down the hall with his counselor. No tears. Nothing.
Phew!!!
I hope the calendar give him an extra boost of security and routine.
He came home and said how much fun he had like he always does.
Day 6 & 7:
Sick days
Day 8:
Still sick which really stinks because this is completely getting him out of any type of routine that he mildly had in place. I feel like we're going to have a first day of school meltdown when he does go back. *Sigh*
Day 9:
He panicked all morning while we were getting ready and was hysterically crying all the way to school. Once we got there and out of the car and he saw his counselor, calmed down. We both reassured him that he was going to have a great day and that because he missed some of the week that he only had today and tomorrow before the weekend.
I left and there was no crying or screaming.
Like always, when I picked him up, he said what a fun time he had at school.
Day 10:
He flipped out. He was screaming and crying all the way to school. Once we got into the school, he had calmed down a bit. When I left him with the counselor I didn't hear any crying which was an improvement.
As always, he had so much fun when I picked him up.
Day 11:
He kind of whined that he didn't want to go to school. The phrase that he clings to is "I don't want to visit school. I want to stay here all night." (He says visit school because when he was being evaluated for the IEP program we said "visit school" and now that's what he always says.) I told him, "Look buddy, you're going to go to school and have fun and then mommy is going to pick you up and you'll be home all night. Mommy always picks you up, right?" He again said, he didn't want to go, but willingly got dressed and there was no tears or screaming. Just went out to the car and walked into school with me and I was able to leave and he walked down the hall with the counselor. While we were waiting for her, he said that he was happy and that he would miss me.
Hoping this is the start of being ok with school and not a fluke day.
Today was HUGE! I called the counselor to ask her a question and she told me that he actually ate his snack today! For those that don't know, my son is very anxious. He gets it from me. In situations where he is uncomfortable, sometimes that includes being with his own grandmother, he won't eat. The fact that he felt comfortable enough to eat ANYTHING is a big giant step in the right direction!
The counselor also told me that the kids just love him and even though he doesn't communicate as well as most others, they always try to include him.
😍😍😍😍😍
Day 12:
Second day in a row with no tears. He only said about twice that he didn't want to go to school. While we were waiting to get into the parking lot, he was joking around saying he doesn't like his counselor (who he loves. He does this sometimes) with a big smile on his face laughing.
He still wanted me to go inside to drop him off with his counselor but when we asked, he said that he did want to try normal drop off tomorrow. We'll see if he still feels that way in the morning.
What a nice break the two days have been. I love not having to drag him to the car.
Second day in a row that he ate his snack!! So excited that he is starting to feel more comfortable there!!
Day 13:
There was a more than normal protest to not want to go to school because it was my husband's day off from work. However, still no tears and making jokes on the way to school. I was able to wave at him through a window as I walked back to the car.
Day 14:
I woke up to an email from his guidance counselor saying she was sick and going to be out today and most likely tomorrow. I wasn't sure how today was going to go. I waited until we got out of the car to tell him.
We were about to walk into the building and I took him aside and told him that his counselor was sick today and looked around and someone that knew where he was going said she'd take him to class and he went with her. I looked back to see if he was doing ok and he didn't even look back to me.
Phew!
I'm hoping this means we're closer to dropping him off in the carline.
Day 15:
Minor setback today. His counselor was still out sick, which we knew was going to happen, but he wasn't as ready to just go with a helper. He likes his music teacher but didn't want her to walk him. Another teacher got his para and he was more ok with her taking him.
No tears but there was definitely more anxiety than there has been.
All in all not a bad day. Just a little stress.
Day 16:
He has some hip inflammation which was giving him pain to walk Sunday, so just to make sure there wasn't a flair up, we kept him home.
Day 17:
His first half day. His counselor was back so he was all smiles. I spoke to his counselor after drop off and we devised a plan to gradually get him to transfer to getting out in carline with the rest of the kids. So we will see how that goes.
No more tears and forcing him to go! Yeyyy!
Day 18:
More than the normal protest this morning. I don't think he slept well. He said he wanted to go back to bed. But once he was dressed, the "I don't want to go to visit school" stopped.
He had a book fair today and I got to see from his ewallet how much he spent. I don't know why I thought it was so cute, but I did. :)
We have an open house tonight, so fingers crossed that he doesn't freak out about having to go back.
Day 19:
His guidance counselor wasn't there this morning and neither was his para. I ended up walking him to class followed by the other full time counselor and his music teacher. It took a little convincing, but his teacher was able to get him into class and the counselor followed him in to make sure he adjusted ok.
One day at a time.
Day 20:
His guidance counselor and his para came to get him for class today and he basically didn't even say bye to me. Hahaha! Loved it!
Day 21:
He had a HORRIBLE night's sleep and ended up coughing most of the night, so he stayed home today.
Day 22:
Another six day. This kid cannot catch a break. I hope in a few weeks his immune system won't be as overloaded.
Day 23:
We attempted carline for the first time. His guidance counselor normally helps kids off the bus, but switched weeks so she could help him get used to carline. She is just the sweetest!
He did amazing! Just got out of the car and went with her into the building with no issues.
Day 24:
Carline definitely went over like baptizing a cat. There was a misunderstanding of when my husband went to work, so I had to take my daughter with me for drop off which was out of his routine.
There was screaming and crying and I had to pry him out of the car. He kept asking for daddy and his counselor gave him a big hug and as she was hugging him I drove off.
I parked out of site to him and was able to see him calm down and walk in with her. She called me about a half hour later and told me he did a great job and that she was expecting a bit of a backslide day 2.
Day 25:
Our day started with screaming and crying and not wanted to get dressed. He kept asking for daddy. I was trying to calm him down but he just wouldn't listen to me. About half of the way to school, he stopped carrying on, but when we pulled in, it started again.
His guidance counselor was in carline for him again but it was very similar to yesterday. Asking for daddy. I had to pry him out of the car. I let him cry for a minute to get some emotions out while I was hugging him and switched to his counselor hugging him and I drove off.
Again I parked somewhere away where I could still see him and today wasn't quite as quick of a transition to being ok like yesterday was, but he did eventually start walking into the school.
Hoping next week is better.
Day 26:
Yesterday was a holiday and so today we started with the crying and not wanting to go to school. Ever since starting carline, we've definitely had a backslide when it comes to drop offs. I have to peel him out of the car with the jaws of life basically; even though his favorite person is coming to the car to help him.
His guidance counselor gets radioed over everyday so far and has been the one to come to the car and get him. I don't really understand the difference between dropping him inside to her and outside; but there is one to him. It breaks my heart to see him so upset.
Day 27:
Again he was dropped off in carline and his guidance counselor radioed over. He doesn't want to let me go, but he is at least getting out of the car easier. I guess that is a plus. I still feel so bad.
Day 28:
He is ok with me dropping him outside, kind of; however for some reason when I go to leave; it's always the same. I am hoping that similar to dropping him off inside, that it just gets progressively better over a solid week or 2.
Tomorrow will be the first real week of dropping him off in carline. Hoping that it's a little easier each day.
Day 29:
This morning was especially difficult. He didn't want to even get out of bed today. I basically had to drag him out of bed. He got in the car just fine, but then he cried all the way to school almost. Then when it came time to get him out of the car he just wouldn't go. He is tall enough to where if he locks his knee, his glute to his foot can "strong arm" the arm essentially. I had to go into the front seat and move the seat all the way to the dashboard so I could even get to move his leg, but I could barely pry him out of the car. And this is with his guidance counselor coming to get him and he adores her.
He kept saying that he either wanted to go to sleep or back to bed or the park; really just anywhere other than school. He started balling hysterically when I tried to leave saying that he wanted daddy and then once I was able to pry him off me, I heard his scream that he wanted mommy. When I say pry, I mean it. He grabbed the hem of my dress and I had to rip it out of his hands; which isn't easy! He is really strong!!!
Day 30:
I find that Monday's are okay-ish. He has a few days at home over the weekend and by Monday; there isn't the same fight that say a Friday brings. This was true of today. He got out of the car ok; still didn't want to go in because he is still fighting saying our goodbyes at carline. But he did better than he did last week.
Day 31:
He woke up with some tummy issues today but was over all ok. Didn't really want to go to school but definitely not an all and out fight. He cried when i was leaving him with his counselor, but it seems like time is making the crying at least a little bit less extreme.
I got a phone call from the nurse saying that his tummy issues continued and I needed to come get him because he had an accident and needed a bath.
Day 32:
We kept him home today because after I picked him up yesterday, his tummy issues worsened. He never had a fever, but I am really glad that I kept him home. But this POOR KID! Alwaysssss sick!
Day 33:
Another sick day. This poor kid!!
Day 34:
Well, might as well finish out the week. But seriously, he is still not doing the greatest. Poor buddy. Some type of stomach bug for sure. :(
Day 35:
Picture day!!!! I have been so excited to have all these firsts! I am so proud of him for everything. I loved the first book fair and fund raiser and now picture day!!! I can't wait to see them. I low key hope they're kinda awful like the quintessential first school picture. We had a rough go of things this morning. He didn't want to go to school... especially after barely going last week. He was almost used to staying home which I thought was going to happen. And he is stilllllll not ok with carline. I really don't know what the difference is between going inside and getting out at the car. I tried asking him, but he just cried. I get that we got used to going inside, sitting outside the office and then saying goodbye; but honestly I feel like we've been doing carline almost as long at this point and it just doesn't seem to be getting easier. I keep praying that one day he'll just wake up and will be ok with it, but that still remains to be seen. His guidance counselor is still the one that is coming to the car and he absolutely loves her; so I really just wish I could understand and figure out how to make it work.
Day 36:
Today was a struggle to get out of the car and he cried a lot. I asked him again today what the difference was between dropping him off inside instead of getting pick up at the car and he said that he wanted to go home. I don't know if that was an answer or just what he wanted in the moment; but I was like maybe when I bring him inside he still kinda gets the false hope that he won't be staying. But in any case, still not doing great in carline.
Day 37:
PTC. Half day. I kept telling him this in hopes that it would somehow help with drop off, but that might have been a little optimistic of me. He was difficult to pry from the car today. Seriously, God bless his counselor. I know he isn't the first person to ever do this, but we'd be lost without her right now. She did however give me that bad/good news that his Para is leaving. She got a job at a different school teaching. So good for her, but not so great for us as he just adores her. I don't think he'll totally understand when she leaves that he won't be seeing her again, but that's probably for the best. I am grateful that he has had this much time with her, and I hope that whoever is the para instead of her is as sweet and understanding as she is! Also, he is much more comfortable with his teacher now, so it hopefully won't be as difficult as my mind is currently anticipating.
Day 38:
Shocker. He's sick today. I emailed the school nurse and asked her if there was anything I could be doing that I wasn't already to keep this poor kid healthy, and she reassured me that I wasn't the only one. The school has seen so much illness this fall with every single illness that kids typically get. She said she wished she had a magic wand to make it all better. Some extra elderberry and some medicine and hopefully he'll be in school tomorrow!
Day 39:
I was informed that because he had a fever yesterday, he wasn't allowed to be in school today. So, he wasn't able to go, which worked well with the fact that we lost my husband's grandfather this morning. We were up much earlier than normal and an extremely long day.
Day 40:
HALLOWEEN!!!!! My favorite holiday!!! I am so pumped this year because he's been talking about Halloween since about June. He is really into it this year. He picked out the costumes for everyone and we're going to have such a good time. He was able to wear his costume to school if he wanted, but because of the make of his costume, I was afraid that he would have a hard time going potty, so he just wore a spooky shirt instead.
Getting out of the car is still such a chore. He hadn't been to school in a few days, which is always helpful, but he really needs to be used to going for a full week! It's so rarely happened that he's gone a full week. Unfortunately, we were late... unfortunate for me; because I had to get out of the car and walk him in to sign him in as late. He loved that I walked him all the way into school. It's making me think that we should just scrap the whole trying to do carline thing because when I drop him off inside it's just so seemless.
Day 41:
We all slept very badly, so when I went to wake him up and he was sleeping so soundly, I just decided to keep him home. It benefitted us because everything that's going on for the funeral and wake, it was easier on us not having to bring him.
Day 42:
He woke up happy and went to school just fine, but of course, didn't want to get out of the car. He was being a little silly and smiling and shutting the car door like it was game; but once I really pulled him out of the car, he wasn't so happy. Unfortunately, today, his routine is going to be a little off as my father is going to have to pick him up from school. I am hoping that doesn't cause for too much stress for my little guy.
Day 43:
We seriously underestimated how much the funeral and wake was going to take out of us and where we had to go and when, so unfortunately it was easier to not have him go to school today.
Day 44:
The mornings are not getting easier at school. He starts off looking like he is goofing off with me but then when I actually go to take him out of the car he has a complete meltdown. I spoke with his guidance counselor and we decided that I am going to be dropping him off inside the school again like I was in the beginning of the year. I don't know if it's the inconsistency due to illness or something else that makes the car drop off, but were going to go back to that for now.
Day 45:
So we decided to go back to me bringing him inside to drop him off at the office. It's night and day. He went from me needing the jaws of life to get him out of the car and having to sprint and drive away to him jogging into the building, playing hide and seek when he saw his counselor coming and basically just leaving me with 0 issues. It's for sure not ideal, but I am willing to do whatever makes him feel the most secure. I don't like that he was starting off his school day on such a negative note; so if this is what I have to do, I am willing to do it.
Day 46:
I drove him to school this morning to find out there was no school and OF COURSE this is the one time that as we were driving away he said "I want to go to school." *eye roll*
Day 47:
Honestly, when I started this blog, I didn't think that I would still be making it 47 days later. I thought a week or two at most. But here we are. I brought him in to school today and he played hide and seek with his counselor again and when she came to walk him to class, he basically was just perfectly fine to leave me. Almost didn't even kiss me goodbye. I think this is the last update that I am going to make. Hopefully one day we'll be in the carline, but if that day isn't until next school year, I am perfectly fine with that.